Sunday, December 21, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
I have yet to hang the last few decorations, finish the shopping, wrap a single present or cook ANYTHING yummy for Christmas. *Sigh! I guess the only thing that Martha and I have in common is that we both have an ugly red sweater. Oh wait! And we both hate the IRS!
Sunday, December 7, 2008
The other IMPORTANT half to the smoke detector is. . . Well, it went like this. A few nights ago I was up late with a congested head and as hard as I tried to go to sleep I could not. Finally about about 2 a.m. I drifted off to sleep. It wasn't 20 minutes later that I awoke to a chirping sound from the hall. Of course it was a familiar sound! I thought "Why is it that EVERY time a smoke detector's batteries go dead it's in the middle of the freaking night?" Is it just me or does this happen in every household? Is there a smoke detector conspiracy?
So I climbed out of bed. Fortunately for the rest of the family they are dead head sleepers and didn't stir at the noise. For me it was unbearable! I knew that there wasn't a 9 volt battery anywhere in the house to replace it with and so I pulled up a chair to reach it and dismantle it. Well the dismantling part isn't difficult and I quickly disconnected the electrical wires from it. It continued to chirp. I opened the battery box and removed the battery. It continued to chirp. I checked all over to see if there was an OFF button. . . nope! What in the world is supposed to stop these things from working??? Frustrated by now, I went in to my husband, who was snoring like usual and woke him. "How do I get this thing to stop?" I asked. His brilliant response was "I don't know" and he rolled over and went right back to sleep. I was holding that beast and it was still chirping. How was I ever going to get any sleep with this thing? I finally came up with a plan and I walked to the front door, unlocked it and chucked that smoke detector as far as I could throw it right out on the lawn! It was back to bed for me and right to sleep this time!
I had forgot about the night's events as I got ready for work the next day. It wasn't until I opened the door and discovered something foreign out on the grass. OH YES! There was that detector and it had finally quieted down. At this point I was able to get a big laugh out of it! What possessed me to throw it outside? I have decided that those smoke detectors are of the devil and I am opting for a better piece of equipment to inform us of a fire. No batteries required!!
And the cool part is that if you really do have a fire, you can sit outside and eat popcorn while the fire department battles the blaze! BONUS!!
Sunday, November 30, 2008
JOURNEY!! Who doesn't love Journey?. . .OK, shut up! They were/Are cool! I fell in love with Journey because my first boyfriend loved journey. Isn't that reason enough? Let's just say I still have Journey (tapes) around but I can't say the same for my first boyfriend.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
* You spilled more food on you than the local soup kitchen dispenses.
* Paramedics bring in the Jaws of Life to pry you out of the EZ-Boy.
* Your after dinner moans are loud enough to signal Dr. Kevorkian.
* The "Gravy Boat" your wife set out was a real 14' boat!The potatoes you used set off another famine in Ireland.
* You get grass stains on your butt after a walk, but never sat down.
* Your "Big Elvis Super-Belt" won't even go around your waist.
* You receive a Sumo Wrestler application in your e-mail.
* You set off 3 earthquake seismographs on your morning jog Friday.
* Pricking your finger for cholesterol screening only yielded gravy.
* You have 5 TV sets side-by-side to catch all the football games.
* A guest quotes a Biblical passage from "The Feeding of the 5000."
* That rash on your stomach turns out to be steering wheel burn.
* Your spouse wears a life jacket at night in your water bed.
* Representatives from the Butterball Hall of Fame called twice.
* You consider gluttony as your patriotic duty.
* It looks like the left-overs are going last until Christmas
Thursday, November 13, 2008
I have learned (the hard way) that some things are much more enjoyable (and don't forget easier) when you are a kid. Take for example the hula hoop. Did you try this as a child? I did and I had that baby mastered. I could spend hours with that hoop circling around my waist. I was so cool that I could do tricks. You know, those amazing ones where you can make it go up your neck and circle around your hand that is raised above your head. And then back down again. And then down your legs to your ankles. I know, it's hard to believe the talent that oozed out of me but I did it. It was many years later and I was married with children (hey, that is kind of catchy like it should be a sitcom or something:) that I decided to show off my great skills in front of a group. I grabbed the hula hoop from a snot nosed kid trying to be all tricky and stuff and I stepped inside. What the?????
They have OBVIOUSLY started making these things smaller because DANG there wasn't much room for that baby to circle around me! I worked that stupid hoop for a good 10 minutes before I decided that my body mass was taking up to much of the circle, thus making it virtually impossible to keep it moving. Sigh!
As I child, I was very limber. I could do a back bend without a second thought. It all just came natural and I spent many days tumbling around. I took gymnastics for a while. The memory that has stuck with me to this day was when we were lined up and being assisted in back bends by our instructor. The girl in front of me hadn't mastered a back bend before so the instructor was supporting her. As the girl arched her back, she let out a grunt noise and then farted! OH, boy! The things that will crack up a five year old!! We were unable to do much after that due to laughter (and pointing and mocking).
Monday, November 10, 2008
I'm thinking it's time to resort to this.
Monday, November 3, 2008
And NO you are not one of the four girls on the right! Time to put down that Ding Dong and get on those running shoes for me! I'll catch you later!
Monday, October 27, 2008
My husband Bob (not even close to his real name) had a sleep clinic come to the house and administer a test for possible sleep apnea. They used a finger oximeter to check his oxygen levels through the night. It has been a couple of weeks since this test was administered and so I've thought nothing of the results being positive. The other day my husband calls me in what sounded like a panic and when I asked him what was going on he replied that he had just got a call from the sleep center and they wanted to see him in their office. He then asked me"What do you think is wrong?". . . I sat for a moment in silence wondering if he was for real or what? And then I responded "I think they want to tell you that you have sleep apnea honey. . . I don't think that reading your oxygen levels at night can determine that you have cancer or M.S." That was the end of that conversation. I handled that well didn't I?
Friday night my hubby and I went to my cousin A Little Sussy's wedding dinner. It was a really fun night with great food, great entertainment, great company and beautiful surroundings. She of course was stunning and I'm sure that she will share pictures (who am I kidding? She is a photographer and WILL share. . I think) with everyone once she returns from her honeymoon to Hawaii. (BRAT! No, I'm not jealous. . . I think I need a vacation. Even to my neighboring town would do:) . . . OH but wait!! Read on!!
And then today at work we felt like we had won the Superbowl!! We got an email that we are all going to Disneyland!! NO kidding. Uh huh, I work for the coolest place ever! We not only surpassed a company goal last night but we pretty much blew right past it. (and remember I just started this job like 6 weeks ago! Was that good timing or what?) So in return, the CEO is sending the entire company to the place where dreams come true. Which kind of scares me because I have some pretty crazy dreams! Anyway, this is one of those things that you try NOT to come home after finding out and rub in too much. Kids just don't like it when they know that Mama's going to DISNEYLAND and they aren't!! Oh well, I'll bring them back a a sweet prize:)
Have a great week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Have you ever spent an hour in the evening trying to console your screaming six year old because an airplane has flown over the house several times and quite low and he is freaking in hysterics because he thinks it will crash on top of you. Then an hour later, you are trying to quiet the same child, who is giggling wildly because he has farted loudly and scared the poor dog, who WAS lying next to him. And for some reason the six year old was finding this extremely funny and would have continual outbursts for about an hour or so, while you threatened him to stop?. . . . Nada? Me neither
Have you ever spent your evening (when not consoling/threatening a child or thinking of funny blog topics) picking zits, pulling out grey hairs and having a hot flash all at the same time? Which you find to be quite annoying because seriously should these two things overlap each other for real or are you just some freak of nature going through puberty and the "the change" all at once?. . . Nope? Same here.
I guess we're even then! Have a nice day!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Here is my cute baby Beaux the day after Christmas, when we were surprised to get him!
SIL Amber! How is it to be 20?. . . again? (I hope it was OK that I just announced
your birthday and all:)
Sunday, October 12, 2008
It is against the law to fish from horseback.
(I'm not getting the problem there)
It is illegal not to drink milk.
(I think I may have a child who breaks the law daily)
It is illegal to detonate any nuclear weapon.
(note to self- don't detonate that nuclear weapon on your "to do" list)
Birds have the right of way on all highways.
(I have broke this law and have the proof on my Van's grill to prove it. . . don't tell!)
A husband is responsible for every criminal act committed by his wife while she is in his presence.
(Oh, the trouble I could get that man in!. . ."Honey, can you come to the bank with me?")
You’re not allowed to sell beverages containing more than 3.
(more than 3 what? That is one vague law)
It is a felony to persistently tread on the cracks between paving stones on the sidewalk of a state highway.
(And if one does do they break their mother's back?)
It’s legal for restaurants to serve wine with meals, but only if you ask for the wine list.
(it should be illegal to sell whine with your meal. Now THAT bugs me)
It is considered an offense to hunt whales.
(WHEW! I am so glad I found that out! I was headed to the lake to whale hunt tomorrow!)
No one may have sex in the back of an ambulance if it is responding to an emergency call.
(Oh, please! Did they really have to make that a law because it was a frequent practice?)
Alcohol may not be sold during an emergency.
(We would hate for anyone to be intoxicated and therefore NOT traumatized by the emergency)
Individuals may not possess beer in containers larger than two liters unless they are a retailer.
(So I'm taking it those high school "Keggers" weren't legal-and NO I didn't ever attend them)
Boxing matches that allow biting are not allowed.
(Awww! they like to take out all the fun stuff)
It is illegal to cause a catastrophe.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Yeah, it only took about 30 minutes for me to regain my composure and get over the fear of saying "Sex" again. I did try to convince the media team that maybe we should have a second marketing video using that soon to be deleted scene. We may just entice a group to buy that we wouldn't have otherwise . I don't think they found it humorous.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
It turned out to be quite a good movie. Well at least I thought so. The reviews didn't reflect my feelings. I think they may have called it "Forever Wrong" and "Forever Long" . Unfortunately, Keisha was sadly disappointed to find out that she was no where to be seen in the entire movie. That's the tough reality of being one of the hundred extras there!
In other good news for the week, I was excited to see that my favorite dude on America's Got Talent won! Go Neal!! No, I don't watch the show faithfully and find most of it completely annoying. BUT I saw Neal on a commercial early on and thought he was awesome and humble and everything good. So even if the show pretty much gets on my nerves, at least America picked the best person to win it!
And then there is work.Well that is still hogging up most of my time (and thus my reason for random blogging). But I do like it! I can say the highlights of the week were being called Sarah Palin by some attorneys that I walked to the conference room. (The CEO came in after the meeting and told me they had mentioned I looked like Sarah). Can I just say "Whaaaaaaat?" I just don't see it!
And FINALLY, I am hoping some day I know what I want to be when I grow up. I went from florist, to accountant, to now college enrollment counselor and then this week I was asked to be the spokeswoman in a company video. We have started shooting and will continue this week. And I have to say I actually enjoy it! It was more work than I had ever realized to be in front of or behind a camera. We all worked until we could hardly function but it was great!
Stay tuned for when I become famous and you are all clamoring to get my autograph!. . . . Alright don't hold your breath for that one but just pretend and all OK? Maybe stay tuned for when I decide to dress in brown, drive my brown vehicle and bring you presents! That sounds SWEET!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Here is Jake with his date/girlfriend Chantelle. I swear to you (actually I'll spare you the swearing part) I could NOT get the boy to stand still for a normal pose. Can't anyone be serious in this house? They certainly don't get their clowning around from me! I'm serious people!! Poor Chantelle didn't know what to do as Jake went from JCPenney model to GQ model to whatever popped into his ADD mind at the time. (He really doesn't have ADD but he sure seemed like it that night!)
No misadventures to tell you about from the past week!! Let's hope for another one just like it this week. (except speedier weekdays). Have a great one!
Sunday, September 21, 2008
* Most of the girls in my department had dates this weekend and were "so excited!!" My
plans for the weekend hardly compared.
* If you reward yourself with food for enduring well your new job, you will gain weight!
* Eating bran for every breakfast and then a 7 layer Burrito from Taco Bell every day for lunch
will eventually be a moving experience!
* Seeing your son's Christmas list ALREADY does NOT make for a short and exciting last
quarter of the year.
* Licking your shoes after your boss sprayed Champagne in celebration, may just get you a
bit silly. (OK, I didn't really lick my shoes but they were sprayed and I threatened them that
I would! And YES I was already silly before the threat and they were glad to not only see my
day come to and end but also that it was Friday and they would have a long break from me!)
* Acting like a 20ish year old and being 40ish, still doesn't change your wrinkles or your sagging. BUT it does make you cool and hip and so the girls tell you about their dates and such. Yo Boy!
* Falling off a ladder (about 5 ft up) with bare feet and on cement really hurts. Maybe not but
for an old person it did.
* Flinging your head really hard to attempt to catch the flying Cheeto your daughter has so nicely launched your direction will give you some form of whiplash. And it hurts! (But it did make my daughter laugh and that's all that matters right?)
There may or may not have been other happenings but at this point, I can't remember. That may be a good thing. Stay tuned for other exciting news like 2 days worth of orientations and how to tick off college administrators. Should be a riot!
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Oh, and don't get too excited. Keisha wasn't really fortunate enough to be escorted to the dance by two dashing guys. They had yet to pick up the other date when I pulled out the camera for some photo moments. Ah the joys of being a mother and torturing your teens!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
I'm telling you it was just the other day that I was laughing over Manager Mom's seven year old daughter's lists and then I come home to this. My Kindee boy Ty-Ty met me at the door all smiles and waving this picture about with his hand. I was actually impressed to see identifiable objects on the paper because he has been creating a lot of things that I haven't been able to make out. It's an uncomfortable situation when he presents me with one of his drawings and asks me what it is. I give my five best guesses before he gets bugged and tells me what it is that I'm not seeing and follows it with a "Duh!" like I'm a complete idiot.
But this picture was different. Obviously it was a plane and obviously somebody had jumped, or was falling. I was a bit horrified to hear the details of his handy work when he offered them to me. Apparently it was his older brother Al-Pal, who dreams of becoming a pilot someday. (although I find that perplexing in itself because he has the worst case of anxiety with most everything!) Al-Pal was taking a nice plane ride and then decided to jump out. Unfortunately, he forgot to put on his parachute and he fell to his death. When Ty-Ty relayed that story to me, he followed it with a few giggles and I gasped! I'm not sure what to make of that all or if I should be concerned with his picture and story but I do have reason to wonder.
I remember when Ty was about three years old and he would ask his dad to "Twow mommie down da staiws" (throw mommie down the stairs-for those who don't speak toddler) and when I would ask him why he would reply" betaus I wanna see hew twy". (I wanna see her cry).
I think I should be worried!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Here I am pre-parade
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Here is Ty-Ty (now shortened to Ty since he is "too old" for that baby name) doing the standard Bob pose. Like father like son. . . YIKES!
And YES I cried today! (not because he acts like his father, although that should have been reason enough, but because he started school!)
In Other Important News
It seems that we only have one person who got an A on the test and that was Jen. Her response was
"I think #3 is the lie, and both pictures are you but in different decades. You must have gone to a real ritzy high school to get a fur drape! "
You are right about #3 being the lie. I didn't ever get to stay out until midnight and so no trouble was to be found with me. That swimming pool incident actually happened to my friends AFTER they dropped me off for the 11 p.m. curfew.
And yes both pictures are of me, although I'm wishing I didn't really just type that! Jen you didn't get the extra credit part right though because instead of me going to a real ritzy school to get a fur drape, I actually went to a white trash school and they used the bathroom rug for our drape. (unfortunately, the boys had to wear the toilet cover on their heads. It was bad!) That is my senior picture and the good news is that I can blame that bad cover/fur/whatever on the photographer/school. The bad news is that I have nobody to blame for my BAD hair and REALLY BAD make up. I did that all myself. I guess I could blame my mom for letting me out of the house looking like that huh? Thanks Mom!
Remind me to tell you the story of the truths listed above sometime. OK, you don't have to remind me. I will tell you anyway. . . later. . . probably tomorrow. . . when I'm not so tired. . . it's been an emotional day you know!
Sunday, August 24, 2008
SOOOOOOOOOOO for you reading boredom or pleasure, I will give you a test. I know that you are missing the whole school thing and testing and all so here's your chance. Let's see how well you think you know me. I will give you 3 truths and a lie and you are to pick out the lie.
1. One time while sporting my best "Princess Di" get-up, I convinced a policeman to pull me around as I let the wind blow up my skirt, because I was hot!
2. While on business in Chicago, my sister and I decided to hoist our booties on top of the ice cream bar in Ed Debevic's and sing and dance to The Bee Gees "You Should Be Dancing".
3. In a wild and crazy moment, I went along with a dare and after stripping down to my underwear, went for a midnight dip in the high school swimming pool. That was until the police showed up and politely (or not) escorted us out.
4. One Summer I opened a restaurant in our basement, was president of a dozen clubs and spent most days surrounded by tubes.
And for your bonus question.
I first must ask if you've eaten recently?
Do you wait an hour after eating to swim?
Do you get sick easy?
Does liquid spontaneously shoot out your nose?
Are you acquainted with the 80s?
Uh, well I guess it really doesn't matter much anyway.
Do what you must!
Here's the question. Which one of these pictures is Diana?
Any loud laughter will automatically get you KICKED out of the testing center with a failing grade. So keep it to yourselves folks!
would it be her?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Word of the day is : Were
Possible uses in sentence would include: We were excited to go to the game.
They were ready when we arrived.
What Bob uses instead: We was going to stop at Walmart to get some melk.
They was ready when we arrived.
The two of them was beating each other with those pellows.
You see Bob? When it's a plural like in these sentences you change was to were!! Cool trick huh? How about we practice saying it this week in 10 sentences. We'll save melk and pellow for another week. We don't want to overdo it!
Check out these adorable babies!! They were all hanging out of their nest & so my Mom came and grabbed me to take a pic. I hurried and snapped this one before their Swallow parent's came swooping back in to try and attack me!! SCARED ME!! (But I'm kind of a chicken like that!)
And FINALLY, yet most importantly, I got some really great awards this week! Thank you Hellesbelles for appointing me as a "Kick Ass Blogger". That is my goal in life to kick some A**.
And thank you Nancy Face for this great Sparkly award!! A girl has got to have her bling and here it is!!
I'd like to award these two spectacular awards to:
You all make me laugh a lot! Now carry on, spread the joy, give some bloggy love!!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
The darn dog has taken up residency, for his relaxing pleasure, inside of my sexy bag! I swear I can never have anything to myself with kids. . and a dog.
He has convinced Ty-Ty that they both should share his ice cream. OH, you haven't seen anything yet. After allowing the dog to lick away to his stomach's content, Ty will then pick up where the dog left off. I looked over in horror the other day as Ty-Ty was letting the dog lick his tongue!! YIKES!! I guess these are some of the crazy things you do with your brother. . .dog. (In this picture, Ty is making sure I don't make a noise and disturb the dog's dining)
I'm just holding my breath that he doesn't start hogging the couch & controlling the T.V remote. He will be just like a husband!!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Don't worry. No animals were harmed in the making of this Olympic salute.
Uh, I think a few were hurt in the making of our BBQs.
You didn't miss the amazing Opening Ceremonies did you?
If you did I have to say. . . .so sorry for you!
I can't even recreate that one for you!