Sunday, June 13, 2010

Business Travel Just Isn't All It's Cracked Up To Be

Travel can seem like fun even when working until you arrive at work to this latest travel policy:

A tight travel budget
All workers please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy.


To: All Employees
From: Headquarters
Subject: Business Travel Policy Guidelines
Date: June 12,2010

Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overhead.


If commercial transportation must be utilized, the lowest cost tickets will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and, the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting with a customer is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle. Bus transportation will be utilized whenever possible.

Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on company business trips.


All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while on company business. If this is not possible, then cost effective alternatives should be exploited.

Public areas such as parks and parking lots can be used during periods of good weather. In inclement weather, bridges may provide temporary shelter.


Expenditures for meals will be limited to the absolute minimum. It should be noted that grocery chains, such as "Sam's Club" and "Albertson's" stores often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can often be obtained in this manner.

Travelers should also become familiar with, and exploit the use of, indigenous roots, berries, and other protein sources available at their destination. If restaurants must be utilized, travellers should seek establishments offering "all you can eat" salad bars. This will be especially valuable to employees travelling together, as a single plate can be used to feed one clever group.

Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food while on company business. Cans of tuna fish, Spam and Beef-a-roni can be conveniently consumed at your leisure, without the unnecessary bother of heating or other costly preparation.


Entertainment while on travel is discouraged. If such extravagances are required for business reasons, the customer should be encouraged to "pick up the tab". Such actions will save the company money and also convince the customer that we are concerned about "spending his money on providing a good product for him", not on useless overhead frivolities which can drive up our prices.

Hospitality provided to our customers at our facility shall be tasteful, yet cost-effective. In lieu of frivolous dinners, a picnic bench will be placed in the parking lot complete with garden hose for liquid refreshments.


All employees are encouraged to employ innovative techniques in our common effort to save corporate dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested that money could be raised during airport "layover" periods which could be used to defray travel costs. In support of this idea, "Red Caps" will be issued to all employees prior to departure so that they may earn tips for helping other travellers with their luggage during such periods. Small plastic roses will also be made available to employees so that sales may be made as time permits.

Actually I am glad my company isn't so tight and they even freaked a bit when I stayed in a La Quinta in the San Diego area next to a Gentleman's Club. How was I supposed to know it was there? I could have been saving them some money.....and making them some too! :)

It seems that I am traveling as much as three times a month now so I will keep you posted on my adventures in travel. Heaven knows that something funny, hateful or crazy happens each trip!

P.S. I may try the red cap trick or silk rose sales for spending money;)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

A First Grade Quiz For You!

My son Ty was having a most creative night in writing short stories. See if you can decipher what they say.

(if you can't tell that part of the above includes the word McDonalds, you need to get out more;) Funny that the child can spell that right?

What is the prize if you win? You get a virtual high five!.....and the title "I am on the level of a first grader";) Good Luck!

Friday, February 26, 2010


Do you ever feel like the world is crashing down on you? It's been one of those weeks!.... I am glad it's almost over..... at least I HOPE!
It's a mixture of stresses actually. First there are the "What ifs" at work.... and at home.
And there are the mounting piles of tax documents to sort through and prepare.
And finally there are those kids. Kinda wishing I hadn't cut the duct tape. They are safer when they are secured to the wall. And to think I have four!

I may need a little shopping a lot of chocolate and some In-N-Out therapy to get me somewhat out of this funk.

"But doctor... I don't know why I am over weight?"

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I Think He's Got A Future!

So after reviewing the latest pics of my absolutely adorable (looks like his glamma;) grandson Ryker, I think he may have a future in football! Hurray!! Check out the evidence.
Helmet anyone? The babe is really comfortable in it and it's a must to be worn around the house;) See! He loves it!!
Check out the football player neck......what? You don't see a neck? Precisely my point!!

He will eat anything in his path......I think he will make a great linebacker.

Like I said, he loves food....Cheetos can sure mess up a white shirt. Oh well! I'm the grandma! I make him happy with food, dirty him up, and send him home;) Love this grandma deal!

He has the pose down. We will only let him play with footballs at our house. No trucks, no rattles. You know, we don't want to distract his concentration on the sport yet....ever;)

Oh we put the helmet on Steve too. Not because we are trying to persuade him to be a football player.....It's because he's getting old and manages to pass out and fall a lot, bumping his cranium. Ouch! Poor old grandpa Steve:(

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Ten shots to kick of 2010

We decided to kick of the New Year with some sledding! What is more fun than bruising your entire body, freezing your toes off and wetting yourself all at once? I say absolutely NOTHING! Fortunately, it was a nice day and hadn't snowed for many days prior so we didn't get too cold or wet! Unfortunately, it hadn't snowed for many days and everyone and their dog had previously used this hill to sled and so it was a bumpy ice sheet! (It still pains me to sit;)

Above is Alex and he was going to show us how to do this with great style and ease.

Here is he re-enacting his wreck. Luckily he skidded to a halt half in his sled! It sure made dragging his injured carcass behind the truck and back home much easier;) OH seriously! Do you think I would really do that? hehehe

Ty giving his "before the hill" shot above. He wasn't sure what to think of sledding and has always been such a whiner in the past.

He absolutely loved it! Above he hit a jump and left his sled but managed to keep a hold on it the whole time. We had to bribe the boy to get him to leave that place! We were all tired and injured and he was just having the time of his life!!

Steve got a little off course and we were sure glad he had his legs together! Swing sets can be really dangerous EVEN when you are not on them!

No I didn't do my hair for the event....why do you ask? And YES my New Year's resolution is to lose weight...don't ask! (I have dropped 9.5 so far and only have a million more to go;)

The three amigos didn't think it was suicidal enough to go alone. Why not have other bodies to thrash against?? I don't think it was many more trips after this that Steve and Alex went down together, went off a snow jump and both hurt their over!

Steve was bound and determined to try it in every position and fortunately he didn't break a bone!
He did crash and burn too many times to count though!

YES I did go down and MANY times! I just don't allow those pictures to be shown here.....or anywhere! That's the luxury of it being my blog! Hope you all kicked off the new year in great style!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Don't Blow An Ovary (And other mishaps you might experience having realized I finally posted)

Yup! It's true! It's really me!!.....Me, Diana! Holy cow you have a short memory! Lucky for you I have included a picture of myself JUST in case you also forgot what I look like. And if you don't remember me looking like that picture, it may just be because I got a REALLY short haircut. I have to be sassy you know....I'm getting old. Plus an HR Manager should look sassy right?....or was that Bi*#%y? I digress.
Christmas Eve is always a good time at my parent's house. We have the traditional smoked turkey, clam chowder and all sorts of yummy fattening goods! Once we are good and stuffed, the kids open a present of pajamas and are required to do a fashion show for all to see. Keisha was a loser and wouldn't do the catwalk but dang she is sporting those Hello Kitty jammies with great fashion.
Back at my house, we were joined by my son and his wife and of course my adorable grandson. He looks just like his glamma don't you think? OK, so at least we have the chubby cheeks in common. I'll take what I can get! Wouldn't he make one cute elf?

Sarah, Ty and Jake posing for a picture while Jake and Sarah open their PJs. And NO I didn't force them to do that catwalk in theirs. Check out Beaux assisting Jake with his gift. I have never re-wrapped so many gifts in my life. He managed to unwrap about 9 presents to punish us while we were away. Crazy dog!

Christmas morning is always a treat since the kids rise at 5:30....yawn! It's tradition that I take a picture of them by their gifts before they can open them. They sure love that tradition! And they always look so darn excited for the shot too! The other tradition is that NOBODY can take a picture of mom on Christmas morning. Nope! Not having it! I don't want that stuff being passed around or worse yet, splashed all over the internets;)

Ty seems pretty enthused with his orange. Silly Santa actually wasted money and bought gifts! Duh! Beaux is licking his lips at the looks of that orange.

Alex makes a really lame Vanna. Just saying. I do have to give him an A for effort as he is more animated than all my other kids put together at Christmas.

That concludes our Christmas Eve and Christmas photo extravaganza. I took more but I am just plain pooped out! This working hard is kicking my butt! I seem to want to veg when I get home after a crazy day of whining employees;) No seriously, they are great (for the most part) and life is good....and going...super fast like! I hope that you all had a wonderful holiday season.
STAY TUNED BECAUSE I SERIOUSLY AM GOING TO POST AGAIN SOON...I SWEAR IT! I have other adventures to share but..must..get...sleep....too...weak....too...tired. Get off my back! I know it's only 6:45 p.m. but bedtime has been known to accidentally happen at 7! I'm old..GAH!

Friday, October 30, 2009

Halloween Happenings

Halloween is really one of those holidays that I could skip over and not feel to bad about. Unfortunately, I have kids and you know how they feel about the holiday! Ty started early with his desire to be Optimus Prime. The boy has me figured out. He starts nagging me a couple of months before a holiday and he usually gets his way. This time it was getting his costume about 5-6 weeks early. I swear the child had worn it out by the time Halloween arrived, since he put it on daily......This need for preparedness didn't run in the family.

Here is Jake and Sarah (My DIL). He was putting his costume together minutes before the ward trunk or treat. And it probably was a good thing! Going around the neighborhood in his Lady Gaga get up may have been a bit freaky! (Fortunately I didn't get a close up with my phone since he is sporting girls size 14-16 tight black stretch pants:) Sarah is a witch.... and she is dressed up like one too. KIDDING PEOPLE!! I really like her!

I wish I had taken pictures of all of the kids because they all were adorable! I couldn't help but snap a picture of darling Avery in her 50s costume and her adorable sister Claire! I didn't get a picture of Alex in his Spiderman costume.....Sorry Al, I'm an unfit mother it's true;)

And check out my cuter than ever grandson Ryker!! He's a Kangaroo if you can't tell. I had to take pictures with my phone camera because I swear EVERY time I go to use the camera, the batteries are mysteriously dead! I don't think it involves battery switching by the kids for their toys. They would never do that!....NOT! Check out the baby Joey in his pouch!
Then some people had on SCARY masks!! They frightened all the kids!
wait for it
wait for it
wait for it!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

I'm Moving Out.....And Up.

Do you remember when I moved into my cubicle? And do you remember that I completely loved it? Nope? Well good because I didn't! Do you remember that I said I would try to post more? You did? (darn). Well things are changing around here.

I'm planning on leaving this behind. (I'm sure the paperwork mess will come along).

And moving into this! (YES it will look exactly like the president's office I'm sure of it:)

You see, I have been promoted to HR Manager. Exciting? Yes. Feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders? (OK not the WHOLE world but my corporate world...go with it!) YES. But I am looking forward to the journey.

Does that mean I have to be grumpy and no fun now? NOPE! I promise I will still try to update!! (fingers crossed behind my back......still:)

Monday, October 5, 2009

A Little Home Improvement From Heaven

So I've been thinking a lot about home improvement lately. I guess it's because our house is over 9 years old and things aren't looking so new anymore...OK they are looking downright OLD but who notices!! (other than anyone who sets foot in the dive;) I've been checking out the local online classifieds to see if I could run across some great cheap finds (yeah I said cheap! Steve is recently employed after 4 months of no job but unfortunately his new job is part time). So it's no trip to Home Depot for me but instead to the classifieds to find good junk!

Fortunately, I found a toilet....really cheap! Unfortunately, I don't need one but I did get a good chuckle out of this ad!


i have this toilet for sale is nice and clean i take from a remodel in parck city from rich people no scraches is ligt cream color nice i have the zinc whith same color any cuestions callme no emails please se habla espanol

Seller Contact Info : Jesus

I had no idea the economy was so bad that Jesus is taking toilets from the rich and selling them to the poor....and claiming they are clean! What is this world (and heaven) coming to?

P.S. I didn't find anything to improve my home. If you would like more info. on the toilet just give me a jingle:)

P.S.S If you spell check your post and you have included some writings from Jesus, it will mostly come up yellow due to his lack of proper English and spelling.....I tried it.