Friday, February 29, 2008
Don't try this trick at home! This form of Leap Day celebrating is reserved for freckle faced, red headed , adventurous & mischievous little boys (or if your name is Huck Finn). I think that I can find better things to eat in celebration of this rare day! HAVE A GREAT ONE!!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
1. The only face I want to see first thing in the morning and last thing at night is the face of my Diet Coke with Lime. (Yes, they do have faces! And feelings! Thanks for hurting them by not acknowledging their features!) I love my caffeine and would consider
2. I have split personalities. One is the florist, who designs during the day. The other is the
number cruncher and that is what I do in my later afternoons. I don't want one side of my
brain to feel bad that I don't use it as often so I try to give them equal time! While I'm not
really good at either thing, I believe in E.O.B (Equal opportunity Brainusage- yes I know that isn't one word but how was I supposed to make it work?)
3. I can be easily entertained. I have a terrible memory and so I can watch the same show over & over without realizing it until the end. You can also repeat your whole life stories to me
many times, because it's always new to me! Who knows, I might give you different feedback
4. I forgot. . . What was I trying to accomplish here?? Let me scroll up. Oh yeah! Did I
happen to mention I have a bad memory? Well, I also think I have A.D.D. Yeah, leave
out the hyperactive H in there because I'm not too overly hyper. I just have issues staying
focused. Everything in my house is half done!. . . and therefore, half undone. Not really in equal halves either. This is where I have a deficit in equality! I know, this all sounds intriguing and you are wanting me to do your taxes now aren't you?? No worries!
5. I love my computer. Can't live without it! It's one of my addictions! Oh yeah, just
ask anyone who knows me. It is glued at my hip!. . . And you just thought I had big hips
naturally?? Oh you silly people! What? YES. . and thanks for reminding me. . . my big butt IS all natural.
6. I don't like my pancakes and eggs on the same plate. I just can't have the salty and the sweet touching each other. No syrup in my eggs please! I love breakfast foods though and
could eat them any time of day. (along with any other food item you might put in front of me. . .
24/7 that's me!)
7. My secret dream was to be a Broadway dancer or better yet, to be a lead in Les Miserables. It would be more miserable though if I was staring in it! I happen to be a
Les Mis fanatic pretty much and have seen it 6 or 7 times already and I'm not stopping
now. . . and especially since I can't remember what happens each time I go. It's like seeing
it for the first time. . . again!
I'm thinking this is a great idea!! I could really use this right now as I am sniffling and tired of hunting down the T.P because the dog keeps biting the end of the roll and running CLEAR down the hall with it. Needless to say, we can't seem to keep it on the wall mount thing-a-ma-jigger. It is always somewhere else in the house.
My other thought was to just stuff big wads of T.P. up my nose so that there would be no nasal dripage (is that even a word? How about runnage?) on my computer as I type. Are you visualizing that one too? So now which do you think would look better? You know, I'm all about fashion ! Not even a runny nose will stop that!
But I'm worried. . . if I have the amazing hat, I will be summoned to the bathroom and have to endure that whole scene because somebody forgot to hunt down the T.P before engaging in toilet activities. (Wasn't that a nice way to put it?)
Oh man. . . how come my blogs always end up in the toilet? Go figure!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Don't ask. . . let's just say it was a rough weekend with the kids.
Particularly one of the four.
The child just doesn't know when to shut up!
I begged and pleaded!!
I told him he was on my last nerve.
He whined some more. . and then some more.
I threatened him a million times. . .
but he wouldn't stop!
The house is quiet now. . . the trunk isn't.
Don't worry, he's in there with his transformers, his sponge bob dvd, a cheese tortilla and ring pop.
He's not suffering. . . And now, neither am I.
(Hee Hee! I'm only teasing! No need to call the child welfare services! They already know!)
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Like in most Mexican restaurants around here, there are Spanish speaking people working there. (sometimes NOT!) Anyway, those working there that day were all Spanish speaking and it was one of those times I desperately wished I spoke the language. They were standing only a few feet from us and were speaking very fast and with an angry tone it seemed. I was trying to figure out if these were family members all working this shift together. They would speak and the oldest one would loudly say "SSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" This continued on over and over and she would SSHHHHHHH them again, with a stern look on her face. I wondered what they were saying? Hubby and I were creating our own monologue and it was funny at times and yet a bit scary at other times! We pictured them saying something like "Those fools think we fed them beef but it was really dog!!" and then the oldest trying to quiet them! Or my husband thought our waitress was saying "Hee Hee, I totally spit in her water!! And she said it's great!" It all kind of freaked me out at the thought! I don't know what was really being said but it has motivated me to learn some Spanish (more than what I learned on Sesame Street) so that the next time I go, I am not completely in the dark! Fortunately, whatever they MAY have put in our food wasn't deadly because I am here today to write about it! No food poisoning at all!! Yipee!! (Sorry! the pic is of a Chinese Restaurant but it seemed so appropriate!)
Friday, February 22, 2008
It makes me wonder if anyone was in there pooping and taking a really long time? Now wouldn't that be embarrassing?? Well, if the men are like my husband, they weren't going #2 because he has those things on a timer it seems! ( I have YET to figure that whole thing out!) He only does that at home in OUR bathroom! We would sure hate to share the stench with the rest of the world and would much rather keep it confined to our house!! Wheeeeeeeeeeew! Of course, if he had been one of the people pranked in this, he may have had the last laugh as they abruptly left the room gasping!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Al Pal gets the look that reminds him he is no longer the fav brother! I have never had to worry about Kitty holding her own with three brothers. She manages to keep them all in her back pocket and jumping when she says to do so! (Ty Ty managed to sleep through all the ruckus the Three Stooges had going on)You know, now that I get a closer look at these kids, I don't really think they are mine! They look nothing like me. . . In fact, you know how they say you forget childbirth pains? I forgot the whole child birth thing! Maybe I didn't really give birth to these things! I'm sure I didn't!! It is really hard for me to believe that they are 12, 17 & almost 20! I'm only 30 myself! How could I have pulled that off?? Or am I? Well regardless, you would NEVER catch me acting like such a fool for a picture or anything else for that matter! hee hee!
If you recognize these things that have overtaken my home or if you would like to keep them for yourself just leave me a comment. There will be a lucky random drawing for these treasures!! They are all yours!! (I'll throw in the husband and dog as a bonus!)
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
NOTE: Sometimes a story comes along that needs no polishing or enhancement to make it better. This is one of those. It is a real letter submitted to the IRS the midst of 1995's weird and bizarre denial of dependents, exemptions, and credits. The letter speaks for itself.
I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1994 Federal Tax return. Thank you. I have questioned whether or not these are my children for years. They are evil and expensive. It's only fair that, since they are minors and no longer my responsibility, the government should know something about them and what to expect over the next year. Please do not try to reassign them to me next year and reinstate the deduction. They are yours!
The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is brilliant. Ask her! I suggest you put her to work in your office where she can answer people's questions about their returns. While she has no formal training, it has not seemed to hamper her mastery of any subject you can name. Taxes should be a breeze. Next year, she is going to college. I think it's wonderful thatyou will now be responsible for that little expense. While you mull that over, keep in mind that she has a truck. It doesn't run at the moment, so you have the choice of appropriating some Department of Defense funds to fix the vehicle, or getting up early to drive her to school. Kristen also has a boyfriend. Oh joy! While she possesses all of the wisdom of the universe, her alleged mother and I have felt it best to occasionally remind her of the virtues of abstinence, or in the face of overwhelming passion, safe sex. This is always uncomfortable, and I am quite relieved you will be handling this in the future. May I suggest that you reinstate Dr. Jocelyn Elders who had a rather good handle on the problem.
Patrick is 14. I've had my suspicions about this one. His eyes are a little closer together than those of normal people. He may be a tax examiner himself one day, if he is not incarcerated first. In February, I was awakened at three in the morning by a police officer who was bringing Pat home. He and his friends were TP'ing houses. In the future, would you like him delivered to the local IRS office, or to Ogden, UT? Kids at 14 will do almost anything on a dare. His hair is purple. Permanent dye, temporary dye, what's the big deal? Learn to deal with it.You'll have plenty of time, as he is sitting out a few days of school after instigating a foodfight in the cafeteria. I'll take care of filing your phone number with the vice-principal. Oh yes, he and all of his friends have raging hormones. This is the house of testosterone and it will be much more peaceful when he lives in your home. DO NOT leave him or his friends unsupervised with girls, explosives, flammables, inflatables, vehicles, or telephones. (They find telephones a source of unimaginable amusement. Be sure to lock out the 900 and 976 numbers!)
Heather is an alien. She slid through a time warp and appeared as if by magic one year. I'm sure this one is yours. She is 10 going on 21. She came from a bad trip in the sixties. She wears tie-dyed clothes, beads, sandals, and hair that looks like Tiny Tim's. Fortunately, you will be raising my taxes to help offset the pinch of her remedial reading courses. "Hooked On Phonics" is expensive, so the schools dropped it. But here's the good news! You can buy it yourself for half the amount of the deduction that you are denying me! It's quite obvious that we were terrible parents (ask the other two). She cannot speak English. Most people under twenty understand the curious patois she fashioned out of valley girls/boys in the hood/reggae/yuppie/political double speak. The school sends her to a speech-pathologist who has her roll her "r's". It added a refreshing Mexican/Irish touch to her voice. She wears hats backwards, baggy pants, and wants one of her ears pierced four more times. There is a fascination with tattoos that worries me, but I am sure that you can handle it. Bring a truck when you come to get her, she sort of "nests" in her room and I think that it would be easier to move the entire thing than find out what it is really made of.
You denied two of the three exemptions, so it is only fair that you get to pick which two you will take. I prefer that you take the youngest two, I will still go bankrupt with Kristen's college, but then I am free! If you take the two oldest, then I still have time for counseling before Heather becomes a teenager. If you take the two girls, then I won't feel so bad about putting Patrick in a military academy. Please let me know of your decision as soon as possible, as I have already increased the withholding on my W-4 to cover the $395 in additional tax and made a down payment on an airplane.
Note: The IRS allowed the deductions and reinstated his refund.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
I have moments where I have even said "I am sicker than a dog". I'm not really sure what that means but maybe this is the reason for my illness to begin with?? Here I thought the kids were doing the dishes while I was in bed but it turns out I was wrong!!
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Darn! I forgot to take pictures of the masses of flower arrangements because I was too busy (working my butt off. . . oh, it's still there) and only thought about it as the day was winding down and few were left! Oh well. Here is just a few of the 1000s of flowers we touched this week!
Right now is my favorite part of Valentine's Day. It's actually the night and I'm finally home and of course eating a sugar cookie, drinking a Diet Coke and scraping the frostbite off from my toes and fingers! Don't worry! I should only loose a couple of digits on each!! I can still walk and type without them!! Hope your Valentine was good to you!!
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Josh Groban & Andrea Bocelli at the 2008 Grammys
I think I've died and gone to heaven!!
Sometimes the payoff for having a floral can be soooooooo sweet! We have an older lady who makes us pies this time each year in exchange for colored foil. She just happens to makes the best pies ever known to man! (and better yet. . woman!) Gosh, I think we should just have people bring us food instead of cash for our products! Sure would make me happy!! (and fat) I have a feeling it wouldn't go over so well in the long run would it!??
Monday, February 11, 2008
Feeling "under the weather" is really an odd way to say your not feeling well. Aren't we all under the weather?? I'm thinking yes. . . So I am under the weather and NOT feeling well at all. I have some nasty cold!! I really have got to start carrying around a piece of wood so that I can knock on it when needed. I made the mistake Thursday of bragging about how great I have felt and BAM! It hits me and hard!! Then again, maybe I need to just keep my mouth shut about feeling good. Regardless, I have definitely got to get myself "over the weather" or feeling great because as a floral owner, this is NOT a good week to not be at the top of your game! I'll just pop a few more pills and hope to be back at it VERY soon! ( I only wish I looked this good when feeling ill!! I didn't want to scare you with a real picture of myself !)
Saturday, February 9, 2008
DARLING HAIR CURLS BY COUSIN LYNSEY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . FREE !!!
LOSER GUY (SHE ASKED TO GO) BACKING OUT AT LAST
MINUTE. . . . . . . $ ZERO (HE'S WORTHLESS!!)
NICE BOY WHO STEPPED IN TO TAKE HER (& HER COOL COUSIN
WHO ARRANGED IT). . . . . . . . . . . . . . PRICELESS
I was VERY happy with how well she handled the date situation and the last minute "sick" call from the loser! After the date, she told me that they had met some friends at the mall before going to eat and guess who she saw?? YES, the loser and he was shopping but didn't see them. She must not really be my child because I would have made sure he saw me and swiftly kicked him in the shins! (and maybe other places too!!. . . . because I'm mean like that!) Regardless of the way it started, she had a great time and nobody was injured!!
When I looked at this pic though it reminded me of the good ole 80's and the shoulda ma' pads we wore in everything! Yeah, remember those? OH shut up those of you who are saying in your young sassy voices "I was barely born in the 80s!" This is what I say to you. . ." YOU MISSED OUT LOSERS!!" We all had small butts in the 80s. Between shoulder pads and big hair, our bottom half looked extremely svelte! I think we were really on to something then! What are we doing now to combat the problem?? Wearing low rise jeans and short tops that let our fat rolls hang out?? I don't know about you, but it's not working so well for me!! I'm not hiding anything!! I say we need to join together and bring back the big bangs and shoulder pads for all women!! What are we waiting for?? Sure beats diet and exercise anyday!!
HOT 80's BABES!!
Thursday, February 7, 2008
A little monkeying around and a kiss on the hand for Dad!!
Baptisms in Liberia. A little different than what we experience here in the U.S.A
Dad showing off the large, lush foilage of Africa. Nope Dad, I don't think we can use these in the floral!!
Dad & Mom were the "after church Taxi" in Nigeria for several members. I think you have room for one more!!
Dad feeling right at home with the Ostrich! This one seems to like you! No head pecking!!
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Let's just say that tonight has NOT been my best night ever! It started when I decided to go grocery shopping! Yeah, that would have been enough to ruin my night but it didn't end there. I decided to actually look through the fridge and pantry to see what we did and didn't have instead of my usual approach of just random shopping. Did I mention I hate it? Oh *sigh* well I still do! Anyway, I pulled out the crisper drawer in the fridge to check out the inventory of veggies and I guess I don't know my own strength and I whipped that drawer out and onto the floor. Unfortunately in the process it caught my left hand as it went down. I immediately looked at my ring finger, which took the bulk of the hit and there was my diamondless ring around my finger!! "HOLY CRAP!" I yelled loudly and then a terrible vision flashed quickly through my mind. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my puppy running quickly towards me (and the spilled drawer of food). I could just picture him eating my diamond up like it was a crumb and then me digging through his poo for the next week trying to retrieve it!! I frantically yelled for my son to grab the dog and I started filling my hand around the floor and in the bottom of the crisper drawer. THERE IT WAS!! I'm just glad I didn't have to really eat those vegetables to find it!! Oh, it was my lucky (unlucky) day!! I sadly stated to my husband "OHHHH, Now I'm going to have to go without it until I can get it to a jeweler!" my five year old son interrupted with "No mom, why don't you just get the hot glue gun and put it back together. That's how you fix everything else!" Uh, I just don't see that working this time! What do you think??
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
We had a great time in Vegas but unfortunately we all seemed to have a random case of narcolepsy when the camera came out!! Actually, it was when we were sitting down to eat!
Monday, February 4, 2008
I'm not sure what you make of this but I'm thinking this person (not sure if verbyl is a guy or girl) had parents who were not very fond of them! You seriously can't tell me that people don't do this kind of crazy stuff without thinking it through can you? I ran across this website of funny names and it reminded me of my middle school days. Now I know you are saying to yourself "She can't remember her middle school days! She can't even remember what happened last week!!" Yes, it's true. . I have a fading (very fading) memory but there are some crazy things I just happen to keep tucked in there somewhere. No, it's not the useful stuff that would really make one seem intelligent, nor is it the important stuff that would make getting through one's day easier. It's the completely useless and most often times crude stuff that sticks in MY memory. Anyway, back to those middle school days. I hung around with a group of girls and unfortunately, we all had normal names. (our parents must have really liked us!) So we got bored one day and in our young teen minds we thought we should make up names for ourselves. These would be our code names that we would address each other with. For some reason we got a kick out of saying poop and fart it seems because most of the names contained something of the sort. I only remember a few names (see my memory has failed me a bit here!) My name was Elegosnee Fartsaker, I had a friend Genevieve Gapoopanblow, and don't forget good ole Granilda Gruntanfart (another friend).
I remember having a birthday party and my Grandma Hill sitting in a chair in front of us and we had to line up and each one of us tell her our name. I swear I have never heard anyone laugh so hard in all my life! She was in tears with laughter!
I do the same thing when I see a funny name. And don't try to tell me that you don't do laugh !! I remember working at a physical therapy clinic and one of the patients was Harry Balls. As hard as I tried, I couldn't wipe the smurk off my face when I would hear his name called into the waiting room to have him come back. I was doing good with just a grin when I really wanted to just laugh out loud! There were times I would simply have to duck under my desk and pretend to retrieve something to avoid loud laughter, finger pointing and funny faces at the poor guy! Do these people have any self esteem? I'm just wondering! Oh well, Carry On!
Sunday, February 3, 2008
But seriously (like I'm ever serious) you all know that I have grown up a bit from those days and didn't really attempt the splits and certainly NOT in front of a crowd (like in the picture). Alright already, I haven't grown up a darn bit from those days but I also didn't want people to think I was a circus act down in Vegas. There are enough freaky things down there without me showing off!! And don't worry. . . I didn't really gain THIS much weight and I will upload a few pics of the adventures and maybe a story or two later. . . just hold your darn horses already!! (or I may have to eat them too! I'm on a roll. . .or was that, I gained a roll. . or two. . or three).