Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I Need Some Physical & Mental Conditioning!

Do you ever have one of those days where you've completely lost it? I mean, you are still able to function but when you do it's sub par? As I sit and look over the events of the last several hours I have come to the conclusion that I need some work! I know that I'm getting old and all and that my physical strength is most likely going a bit but does my mental/emotional state have to go to?

It all started with a trip to the store. Kitty and I decided that we needed to run to Walmart to pick up a few things. I was in need of cleaning supplies and such (because I LOVE to clean. . . nope there was NO sarcasm in that either:) and Kitty was looking for a baby present for a co-worker. I realized when we were there that our BIG dog Rocky was almost out of dog food. And although that is something my hubby usually picked up, I would save him the trip, since I was there. Getting the 50 pound bag of Ol' Roy in the bottom of the cart was a bit of a challenge, but we managed. Getting the 50 pound bag OUT from the bottom of the cart and into the back of our van proved to be a LOT more challenging. There we were, the two of us. The wind was blowing wildly and we had to hang on to the cart as we pulled the bag out. It required the two of us to bend clear down to grasp it which caused Kitty's pants to slide down a bit in the back and thus exposing crack for all to see. With her announcement of her backside being exposed, along with the wind and the shear heaviness of the bag, I began to laugh loudly and uncontrollably. I got laughing so hard we couldn't get the bag in the Van. This only made me laugh harder and to the point that I thought I would wet myself. Oh, have you ever tried to lift something in that condition? You have? You haven't?. . . .You liar! We all have. . . haven't we? Anyway, we FINALLY got Ol' Roy in and were able to go on our way. I was grateful that innocent bystanders were only exposed to Kitty's crack and not me wetting myself. Fortunately our hair had blown over our faces and so they didn't know who we were!

Skip ahead a few hours and me and hubby were coming home from the Pharmacy. He was on the phone talking to a leader from our Church as he was driving. Now I am not normally one to have road rage and he is more likely to say something or do something but he was on the phone. Well a stupid driver cut us off and then completely stopped his car in front of us, with his left blinker on, and didn't move into the turn lane. I couldn't just do NOTHING could I?. . . OH, I could? Well I didn't. I leaned over my hubby and pressed my hand firmly on the horn. As I was doing this I loudly yelled "Move out of the way Dickweed!" Sorry for your sensitive ears but I really said that. I didn't realize what I had done until I looked over and saw my hubby looking at me in horror as he continued to carry on his phone conversation. At that point I started laughing like crazy. So hard I started gasping for air! He finished his conversation like nothing had happened and I continued to go mad with loud laughter in the background. I am not sure if the guy heard what went on and my hubby wasn't about to ask him. I am sure the hubby will eventually find out what the innocent Church friend heard. He will probably go on to tell him that I am always yelling out like that and what he heard was actually mild. Yeah Right!

Needless to say I am sitting here thinking that I need to work on a few things. . . OK, a LOT of things but who's counting. . besides me. . . and probably you. Don't worry! I'll get to them. But first I need to go see if I can get that dog food OUT of the Van now and then go kick the dog or something.

P.S. don't ask me where that D word came from. Hubby and I tried to analyze that on the way home afterwards and all we could come up with was that I confused it with Dillweed. You buying? It's the best I could do.

16 comments:

Neil said...

Sorry, not buying it!! It probably came from somewhere in the middle east around Egypt!! Glad you got the dog food out....now you will have to work on getting your FOOT out!! MUM

Busty LaRue said...

Diana, diana. You are too funny. I certainly hope Hubby wasn't talking to the bishop....and I too am glad that you were able to control yourself in the walmart parking lot! :)

Kathi D said...

I am shocked. Shocked, I tell you!

Anonymous said...

Well!! You need to stick with some thing a little less origional, like
"knuckle head" it works real well on African taxi drivers.

Dad.

Angel said...

Dickweed? You must be channeling the Lanagan's grandmothers cat. Remember he was laid to Rest.

Hey It's Di said...

OH MAN! That's where I got that from! I could not for the life of me remember where I had heard that before!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

THIS TOTALLY CRACKED ME UP DIANA!!!

I've been known to call people fartface, jerkwads, A-holes, and asswipes. I know. I'll be so happy to see a friendly face in Hell with me. I'll save you a seat!

ELASTICWAISTBANDLADY said...

I often pee when I sneeze unexpectedly or laugh hard. I gotta keep on the Kegel regimen.

Hey It's Di said...

Oh, thank goodness for a friendly blogger in Hell to laugh with! I can see we have a lot in common. Maybe I will be saving you a seat:)

Abbey said...

I've came back to your blog about 5 times because that post made me laugh so hard!!! Dickweed...I gotta remember that one!

Jen said...

My husband who never swears when totally cogent accidentally asked "What the hell?" one night when I got him up and he was all disoriented. Sleepy, Roadrageous, they are pretty much the same state of off the cuff, I think. You can't be held accountable for someone else's bad driving.

Sabii Wabii said...

Well headed over form Lola again...she is correct, you do live a fun life!
I am sorry though that you have to look at her laundry!

Manager Mom said...

Oh...don't stress. The 'weed is one of my favorite insults, followed by the 'bag (also with a D). :-)

Ringmaster said...

At least the Sofa King didn't come out or the Nucking Futs.

Nancy Face said...

Has Kitty considered going into plumbing?

Nancy Face said...

Dillweed...I'm not buying it!

HAHAHA! :D