1. when you are retaining water and your fingers look like big fat sausages DON'T take a diuretic 30 minutes before leaving to drive an hour. And when you DO this, DON'T stop and get a 32 ounce Diet Coke to drink on the way. And most importantly, DON'T immediately go from driving on the crowded freeway to sitting in a crowded concert hall at your son's choir concert for 2 hours. . . towards the front. You may wish you had on depends. Just telling ya.
2. When you have had a couple of REALLY nice warm days (70ish temps) after a long and hateful Winter, DON'T get all cocky and decide that you will NOT for anything return to your Winter clothing again this year! And when you are being so foolish, DON'T decide to wear sandals to work with 3 inches of snow out on the ground in a normal Utah March storm. If you DO, you may freeze your toes off and then they will look like those above. Bung Toes! Sexy? I say nay nay.
3. And finally when you DO have a job and you DO find yourself saying crazy things from time to time (meant to say over and over) or typing crazy things, DON'T be surprised when you get moved to a different department with a different boss. (If you are lost with this, read the post below). NO really I did get moved but not because of that stuff. . . or so they say. Anyway, it won't stop my crazy nonsense from coming out. It's out of my control really. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!