My Man Has No Pride

Alternate Title: Tape fixes EVERYTHING!!

You may remember my hubs and his attempt to fix the crotch rip in his pants by using Duct tape? Well that was not really the beginning of his creative ways to avoid using a sewing machine to repair his clothing. When we first were married (a mere few years ago:) I was a bit horrified to discover his method for hemming pants and NO there was not a stitch of thread involved. All he used was a sturdy stapler full of staples and Tah Dah! At that very moment I wanted to head for the door and start running....but somehow his craziness makes me giggle.

The hubs is also REALLY cheap when it comes to clothing for himself and even worse with shoes. I on the other hand know that a good/expensive pair of shoes usually lasts a long time. I'm not crazy and I don't spend oodles on them but I know my shoes. So when a quick trip to Walmart for cleaning supplies also became a happy shoe dance for my hubs with his 10 dollar find, I could only roll my eyes once again. It only took a few months for his fancy finds to fall apart. The kids began to tease him about the blowout on one of his shoes and so he quickly remedied that.

Here is what I found:

As he walked around the kitchen in his fashionable shoes, I could have sworn he was walking on Corn Flakes.

I however do have some pride and was not about to be seen with him in his doctored up cheap shoes. So I got him these:

I'm hoping that his nice shoes will detract from his duct taped crotch and his stapled hems. I can hardly wait to see what he comes up with next. Stay tuned.

My Man Has No Pride

The DOS and DON'TS of DI

I know that you haven't figured some of this stuff out on your own so I am here to educate you. It's only taken me forty years to figure this out but hey, what good is life is you can't keep making mistakes and learning?? Just consider these my gift to you. You're welcome! (P.S. I'm just giving you a few. I don't want to overload your brain so much that it confuses you. . . you're welcome again:)

1. when you are retaining water and your fingers look like big fat sausages DON'T take a diuretic 30 minutes before leaving to drive an hour. And when you DO this, DON'T stop and get a 32 ounce Diet Coke to drink on the way. And most importantly, DON'T immediately go from driving on the crowded freeway to sitting in a crowded concert hall at your son's choir concert for 2 hours. . . towards the front. You may wish you had on depends. Just telling ya.

2. When you have had a couple of REALLY nice warm days (70ish temps) after a long and hateful Winter, DON'T get all cocky and decide that you will NOT for anything return to your Winter clothing again this year! And when you are being so foolish, DON'T decide to wear sandals to work with 3 inches of snow out on the ground in a normal Utah March storm. If you DO, you may freeze your toes off and then they will look like those above. Bung Toes! Sexy? I say nay nay.

3. And finally when you DO have a job and you DO find yourself saying crazy things from time to time (meant to say over and over) or typing crazy things, DON'T be surprised when you get moved to a different department with a different boss. (If you are lost with this, read the post below). NO really I did get moved but not because of that stuff. . . or so they say. Anyway, it won't stop my crazy nonsense from coming out. It's out of my control really. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

Maybe I Need To Stop Communicating

After a few wacky work episodes, I am thinking that maybe I should return to being an Accountant. You know, the one in a room alone. The bean counter who does numbers but NOT communication. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy communicating and yet I have had a few work blunders that have caused me to say "What the??" . . . .Actually, I laughed really hard first and THEN asked that. It all started with. . . .

I was walking towards the break room and was approaching a fellow employee I had worked with on a video. Being the friendly gal I am, I opened my mouth to say "Hi" and I even put my hand up like I was waving. Instead of "Hi" coming out though I blurted "Fine". I guess I was answering his NEXT question first! I imagined him saying "Hi, how are you?" We both got a good laugh out of that one and now when he sees me he just yells out "Fine". I'm a dork.

About a week later, I was talking on the phone with a woman from Australia. I was trying to sell her on our really amazing program at my work. You see we have a Medical Transcription program and you can seriously get hired from home to do this stuff.(nice commercial huh?) I was trying to explain to her that you can get jobs either full time or part time. . . but that was not what came out. Just mix those up and you can probably figure that I told her she could get a job "Fart time". I've never been good at keeping my composure when something funny happens no matter where I'm at. This phone call didn't go any differently and I stumbled through words with laughter. That day I grounded myself from the phone. (and no she didn't buy) boo hoo.

And today I realized that duct tape across my mouth was still not safe enough. I was typing an email to a college administrator and was closing with my usual stuff. I don't know what it is but I am not a "Sincerely" kind of gal and have managed to get hooked on "Warmest Regards" to sign off with. I guess it makes me feel all cozy in this cold weather.(I really don't know to be honest and I guess it just suits my fancy) Anywho, I had typed the email and looked up for a quick proof before sending it to see that instead of "Warmest Regards", I typed "Warmest Retards" and then signed my name. Talk about typo!! (I am beginning to think I am the warmest retard) I think that I am going to resort to Morse Code. I can't screw that up can I? . . . Don't answer that.