Husbands, Love & Re-Runs

BECAUSE I love my husband.



AND BECAUSE he bought me this really cool phone (that requires my kids to show me how to operate because I'm a moron).



I MUST bring this up AGAIN. . . I have to do it. . . . it makes me laugh a little. Just one of many funny/weird things my man does that puts a big grin on my face. Who really does this stuff? Well HE does!



SOOOO Without further ado. . . .







I saw this picture and I broke out in laughter. Of course, I only laugh at someone else's expense! If this had happened to me I WOULD NOT be laughing NOR would I share it with you! But being that it's about my hubby, here it is!! I got a call a few weeks ago from my husband, who was at work. He sounded a bit disturbed as he asked me if I had activated his debit card. I told him I had and then inquired as to why he needed it. He quietly told me that he had been working moving boxes with other management and when he bent over he heard a big riiiiiiiiiiiiiippp! He didn't feel anything and thought that the sound was coming from somebody else. He was about to join in the laughter when he realized that the laughter was directed at him. Everyone around him could see that he had ripped the entire rear of his pants out.



Well now, if you were me, what would you have done??. . . . .I did what any sweet wife would do and I laughed my guts out with tears and all! Trying to talk (and not wet my pants) I reassured him I was not laughing at him but with him. (NOT!) He informed me that I was not alone in my outburst and he was dealing with it from every angle! My laughter soon turned to fear and I began questioning him as to whether he had on clean underwear or not? At this point, he was flat out disgusted I would even ask such a thing! Now if this were me under these circumstances, I would have quickly ran to the bathroom, called my other half and had them bring me some new pants regardless of the distance that separated the two of us.



Apparently He was trying to be more thoughtful or maybe he had no pride left, because he told me that he was going to head over to Ross Dress For Less, which was just a few stores down. I asked how he was going to accomplish this with a big rip in his pants? He informed me that he had taken care of that and had not only un-tucked his shirt but had taken duck tape and nicely placed over the large tear. What in the heck? Like that isn't embarrassing? I let him continue to carry out his plan because quite frankly, it didn't bother me at all! I don't associate with his work people! Unfortunately for him, his embarrassing story has been retold (by me of course) over and over for everyone to enjoy and I thought "why leave you guys out?" . OK. . . .NOW Carry On!

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way Down The Isle

I have never really understood the need for flower girls at a wedding other than to make the floor the bride is about to come down really slick! Have you ever slipped on a rose petal? Maybe not, but I can say that I have. . . more than once. Alright, I have more opportunities with having a family floral but anyway. Maybe you should try it sometime?

My soon to be daughter in-law ALMOST had more than petals to worry about as she came down the isle BUT was spared.

The first cute little flower girl was Avery, who walked that isle and tossed those petals like a pro.

Then came cute Macy and she continued the pace and the artistic pattern of petals on the floor.

And bringing up the rear was Gabby the doll face. She was far behind and a bit in her own flower girl world. (I think that is somewhere by Barbie world). It is a difficult task to walk AND throw petals out when you are a toddler. She seemed to handle the task well but THEN it happened! As she paused to drop out a load of petals (I think right here in the pic)she also dropped the gum from her mouth! OH NO! (where is her flower girl etiquette? )What's a girl to do? All eyes are on you!!

Well, she did what any other carefree child would do and she bent right down, picked up that gum and stuffed it back in her mouth! She stood back up and continued down the isle like it had never happened.

When she approached the other two girls, who were now standing at the front, they began to be alarmed because she had clearly not thrown out her petals in the proper pattern and she STILL had some left in her basket! THIS CAN'T BE!! The girls began to urge her in a loud whisper to hurry and dump them all out! "You still have petals! Dump them all out!!".

Can you say priceless? I've now decided the purpose of the flower girl is for entertainment and to possibly win money from AFV. Now I'm wondering why there is a ring bearer?


More flower girl games.

A Few Wedding Shots

The wedding is over. I survived. The end. . . No, I am really still trying to figure out if I survived or not. It's hard to say when I look like death these days and walk around brain dead! Regardless, the wedding went really well and I managed to NOT take a single picture of the event.(And NO that was not on purpose) Thank goodness Keisha was right on that and snapped a few. Here is a sampling of what took place. (In no particular order)



Uncle Gary playing the part of the ousted flower girl.

Jake and his new wife Sarah with mouths agape as they sucked in the bubbles we blew in their honor. (I don't think eating soap is a good pre-honeymoon practice though:)

Photos at a close range are never a good thing. Especially when I am one of those people IN close range. (And YES I did do my hair at some point during the day. Just not looking it)

Giddy "almost" newlyweds. (Little do they know that smile will be SMACKED off soon enough by reality. (When reality hits, she hits hard. . . and sometimes leaves a mark!:)

A little post ceremony round of eenie, meenie, miney, moe with the cute flower girls. I'm wishing I would have joined them for a moment of feet R & R.

Owning a floral shop teaches you the finer art of disguising the cake as a flower. (Who knew there was a plain Walmart cake underneath that all? Not the guests)

Alex was a bit horrified that boys do actually kiss girls. YUCK!

Coolest Kindergarten cousins ever doing a GQ pose.

Jake (Groom) and Sister Keisha for one last crazy shot before he takes the big plunge.

(STAY TUNED FOR WHEN I SHARE A FUNNY WEDDING STORY! ( AND HOW WE MISSED OUR SHOT AT 10 THOUSAND DOLLARS)

P.S. if you were trying to figure out the wedding colors GOOD LUCK!.. . . No really they were: lime green, orange, hot pink, red, yellow and blue. (and anything else that we decided to throw in there for good measure)

I'm In Denial It's True

Did I happen to mention in our conversations or passing that my son is getting married?

No?

Are you sure about that?

No post about it or anything?

Let me give it a look.. . . . .

I have mentioned family tragedies, flooded houses and floral madness but NOPE no wedding! Now how on Earth did I miss mentioning that?? So I'm guessing then that it would come as a complete surprise to you that it is THIS WEEKEND! ! HOLY MOLEY!!
Let's just say that I have been in a bit of denial. Why you ask? Well there is a perfectly great explanation for that (at least that's what the voices in my head are trying to tell me). I am FAR too young to be a MIL! You know, I'm only twenty or so or a bit more but not much more. OK, OK! Quit your laughing! I FEEL like I'm 20ish! Is that better? And you know I certainly act it. That's two things! Isn't that enough??


Truth be told my son is 18 and I was 12 when I had him so that would make me 30. Just a bit older than 20ish right? Unfortunately I wasn't telling the truth right then and I'm just a bit upset that I'm becoming the old lady, the grandma (soon to be) and the MIL. It's just not right! I'm trying to take it in stride though and accept one grey hair and one wrinkle at a time. It's no easy task but somebody has to do it! I somehow thought that I, with my super powers (whatever they are), would defy gravity and aging all at once! (oh yeah, and a bunch of other cool things I can't remember right now). NO dice!! So. . . GULP! I bring you pictures of the happy couple BEFORE the ball and chain. (I promise to post wedding pics next week). That is, if they haven't moved me into the retirement home with no Internet access.




My Son Jake

His Fiance Sarah

Don't even ask me what they are trying to do here. I have yet to figure them out!. . . I digress.

Little Shop Of Horrors

So I'm taking a vacation day from my "real" job to go and participate in the Valentine floral shop festivities. NOT really much of a vacation & definitely not relaxing but I'm warped like that. At Valentines we get a little (=a LOT) loopy and crazy stuff ensues. Our sweet little floral shop turns into our own "Little Shop of Horrors!" And then at that point, we decide to call it a night before somebody gets hurt!

Exhibit A: Red Roses which are in great abundance these days. Ohhhh so pretty.....CHOKE!

Exhibit B: Whor...(wrong shop)..I mean workers who have lost it from excessive exposure to TOO many red roses!! Close your eyes!! You are going to burn your retinas!! Oh the horror of it all!! (by the way, we are spelling out "Cow", "Mom", and "Wow" for your viewing pleasure....one of our many talents:) We are going for the Unibomber look here, if by chance you didn't notice.

Exhibit C: I couldn't leave you with that last picture burned in your eyes NOR be the reason for your bad dreams tonight about little flower shops. Here is some pretty stuff to bring you back around. Ahhhhh!

See you on the other side of my fabulous Vacation (aka Valentine HORROR). Oh yeah, and remind me to tell you about NEXT Fridays Vacation day (and no it will not involve relaxing or going anywhere). Boy, I really am pathetic!!

Post Dental Visit Entertainment

I'm not a lover of going to the dentist. Whether it's me getting worked on or one of my kids, it causes me great amounts of anxiety. I guess it all stems from when I was younger. Back then getting your teeth worked on was NOT as slick and painless as it is today! On top of that, dentists didn't wear gloves or face guards and I just happened to have a dentist with extremely hairy knuckles and TONS of hair up his nose. There was never enough laughing gas to make me not want to gag at his hairy knuckles & nostrils. And there was NEVER enough laughing gas to make me feel like this.....at least to my knowledge.....bummer!
(after watching this, I may take my kids to the dentist more often:)

OK.....Joke is up people!

Don't give me that look. Where is it? Oh, don't play dumb now! (you can save that for every OTHER moment in your life!). I'm kidding people! Seriously now, where's the camera? I can't see it but you ALMOST had me going there. Yup, I was on the verge of FLIPPING OUT completely and I think quite possibly it may or may not have looked like a scene from the Exorcist. . . head spinning and all. But THEN I realized you guys were trying to see how long I'd put up with this continuous crap before I SNAPPED! I have to tell you it's worth it just to know you were doing it all in fun. . . .so where's the camera? When is it going to air on TV? I can HARDLY wait! You may have to tell them to delete some of my language. It wasn't my best performance. Boy I can hardly wait to be on TV!


You picked a good time to get under my skin. After dealing with the deaths of two family members within a month, I was feeling down. And THEN this. Yeah, nothing like enjoying the unusual rain storm in January and then having the entire basement flood in my house. That was pretty tricky!Oh, and I had just finished saying that nothing is worse than a water flooded basement.. . . Um, I now beg to differ. You see POO water flooding your basement is MUCH worse. You really out- did yourself with that one! HAHAHAha haha ha. Ahem. Anyway, you ALMOST had me going! I JUST ABOUT thought that I was having a terrible streak of really crappy luck (no pun intended). But then I realized you were up to your old tricks again! I owe you BIG time!

Yes our basement looks and smells a bit like the picture above. Not a pretty sight at all! OH, by the way, next time you try to pull one over on me, you MIGHT want to NOT do the same tricks to my next door neighbors (Sister & BIL). Although we do like to do things together, cleaning up raw sewage is NOT one of them. Thanks anyway!!

With Heavy Heart......

I say goodbye to my dear friend and cousin (someone who was "stuck to me by blood" as he put it) Matt Hill. He was one in a million! So loved, so talented, so intelligent, so spiritual and so full of life.

You're illness with Cancer was brief but you handled it with great dignity and humor! I'm grateful for the time I had with you and only wish I had more! I love you Matt!!!!

** Matt is the "Geek Agent" in the videos.

I'm Sorry To Say, I Did It!

It's true.
I thought I was strong.
I thought I could withstand it.
I had been so good.
Deep down I knew I wanted it.
I just wasn't sure how to get it.
What did I want you ask?
I wanted to be satisfied.
I wanted to be REALLY satisfied!

I kept the urge hidden.
I hoped that it was a passing thing.
I tried to keep my mind occupied.
Why would I need it now?
I was used to not being satisfied.
Where was my willpower?
Don't fail me now.

I may not forgive myself for this if I do it.
I might feel like a failure if I indulge.
I could look at myself differently for needing it.


I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!

I just did it! And YES I'm satisfied.......

And a little sick.


It was in my purse and was left over from treats I had taken to my Sunday School Class. (YES I bribe them to like me. Is there anything wrong with that??) Unfortunately, all the kids were not there and that left the lone chocolate bar of yummy goodness in there all alone. I agonized, I fretted and for a while (during the other meeting) I actually forgot about it. And then I came home. It was just me and that beauty alone in my room. I wanted to be satisfied and it taunted me. I ripped open the package and took just a small bite. Much like a fun size bite. Oh, it was fun and it ALMOST satisfied but not quite. I decided to double the fun and eat just a bit more. OHHHH, I haven't had anything so delightful in a long time. (Or maybe just a few weeks since the diet began but it seems like FOREVER:) By the time I realized just how much I was indulging in having "Fun" I only had a bite left of the ENTIRE bar. Knowing that I wanted to be completely satisfied I quickly popped the bite in my mouth. Oh yeah, it was so good. . . . Um, a little rich. . . . I was kind of feeling a little sick. Can one really be over satisfied??

I think I was. . . . as my punishment, I went to bed without dinner. That ought to teach me a lesson next time. Don't take yummy treats to Sunday School. Only yucky things that I HATE can be fed to my class. (that limits it greatly:)

And When You Feel Short On Time...

Anymore it seems that there are NEVER enough hours in the day. I EVEN find myself wishing time would slow down at WORK! (Seriously, I must be sick.....sick of work that is!) Here's the clock I'm going to have to pick up. NO WORRIES with this baby!! You can just make up what time you want it to be!! Works good for those slow days at work too when you just want 5 p.m. to roll around quickly. I wonder if they sell watches like this??